I love any chance to use this blog to feature other voices besides this one you always see before you. My relationship with my own writing has had a tendency to ebb and flow in the last few years anyway, as is natural when it comes to that will o’ the wisp creativity. So in those moments, rather than fight burnout I’d rather pass the mic to someone with an inspired message.
Enter Ruby Greenberg. The Colorado-born indie-folk singer-songwriter has been impressing in 2022 with her new single “Roses”. We need more voices like hers defining the genre as it makes its way forth into the future, especially because we ALWAYS need new female musical voices to help show the way.
There aren’t enough.
Fortunate for me (and you the reader), Ruby was kind enough to provide a peek behind the curtain into what makes this new song “tick”. For that I’m deeply appreciative, as not all artists are willing to provide a vulnerable window into their creative process. It’s much easier to simply board that window up; just keep the mask tight. Instead, Greenberg shows us how to listen by explaining when she had difficulties doing just that, and how it led to “Roses”.
“How to Share Space with the Ones You Love”
Many of us try to approach life treating others as we would want to be treated. We might even have been taught this value at a young age, told that it was something to strive for. It’s a reminder to treat others with kindness and respect and to be mindful of how we’d want them to listen to, support, or nurture us. But some time ago, I realized that sharing space with those I love could be done in an even better way: by treating them how they would want to be treated instead.
As I wrote one of my latest songs, “Roses,”I was thinking about a particular relationship in my life. I tried thinking about what it would look like if I showed up for that person in the way that they needed me to, instead of responding in the way that was most instinctive to me.
Sometimes I get excited when I talk to someone I feel close to. I might try to finish their sentences and chime in with my own thoughts. I might start thinking of what I want to say next. When they pause to find their words, I might jump in with what I think they’re going to say. I realized this isn’t always what people need. That energy, though it comes from an earnest place, doesn’t foster an environment of psychological safety when someone is sharing something vulnerable. I’ve come to think that the best way to connect is to be mindful of creating a space that’s about listening instead of responding.
Someone might share news with us, describe a decision they made, or even act in a way that is different from how we do. How we handle this matters. When someone shares themselves with the world, the response they receive can impact whether they continue to show up as their true selves again and again, or if they feel shamed and start to hide away. When a loved one shares themselves and is rushed, dismissed, criticized, or ignored, it can cause them to shut down. Then that honest side of them might not shine through again. Creating safety for someone to share their truth in a relationship or interaction can mean that we get to truly know them instead of knowing a version of themselves that they created to make us feel comfortable.
These meandering thoughts are what were stirring in my mind when I wrote “Roses”I tried to think of an image of bringing comfort and support to someone as I got to really know them. When someone invites you to a home that they’ve built for themselves, you don’t run inside and start painting the walls the color of your own house. You bring them a gift to brighten up their kitchen. And so it became the refrain for this song: “I won’t disturb the space that you’ve created. I will bring Roses for your table.”
Thanks so much Ruby! Listen to “Roses” below: